Matching breaths

I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I’m sorry that I messed things up. I know you were tired and I was too and yesterday was just too much for both of us.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t more patient. I’m sorry that I felt angry thoughts about what you were doing. I know my anger fed on your frustration and only made it worse.

I’m sorry that I moved away when I should have found it within me to move closer. I know that even when you tell me you don’t want me, you still need me close by so that I am there when you are ready.

I’m sorry that I sighed out loud again and again. I know it’s hard to hear when someone is sounding out their displeasure at you. I should have taken some deep breathes and remembered that you are small.

I’m sorry that I got stuck. I drew a battle line and wouldn’t budge and I see now that it wasn’t worth the fuss. I should have found the courage to loosen the knots inside and let go.

Tonight when I crawl into bed next to your little body, I’ll take your hand and whisper ‘mama’s here’ and I’ll make my breath match yours until the pain I feel can settle.

Tomorrow, I’ll find a way to show you that I’m sorry and we can begin anew.

3 replies
  1. Daria
    Daria says:

    Yes. Too many nights I tuck my boy in and realize it was me who made the day the way it was. How can I expect him to learn how to control his emotions when I can’t?

    Reply

Please join the discussion

All comments are moderated according to our community guidelines to ensure that this remains a safe space for our autistic readers.

Leave a Reply