The joy of parallel playdates

This year my kids made a friend.   “What’s the big deal?” some of you might be thinking. Well, the big deal is that making friends doesn’t come easily to them. And while they don’t seem to bothered by that, I worry about it sometimes (umm…more than sometimes), though I don’t burden them with my […]

Breaking the bough/the lie they told Kai

Years ago, on this very day, I first met my friend “Kai.” I have not seen or heard from her in years as we met when we were teenagers. But I tend to think of her this time of year and wonder where she is, and how she’s doing. Wonder what her life is like […]

Fierce Walls

  I’ve always been quite blunt about the biggest challenge of being an autistic parent to an autistic child – other people’s expectations. Dealing with other people’s feelings and opinions on how I ought to parent, or how my children ought to be, or both, has always been more stressful and worrisome than whatever was […]

Am I Mom Enough? (Voices in My Head)

Even though I know better, sometimes it’s hard not to feel like a failure. Kids get older. Things change. People change, and circumstances change. It’s never easy – this type of parenting. But it gets so complicated as the children grow. It’s so different; a big change. I’m autistic. I don’t like change. I’m scared […]

while I have cracks, they aren’t to do with who I am, but what I’ve been through

A Gift of Healing

Something that I hadn’t really considered until just recently was what gentle parenting has given to me. Especially the gentle parenting of my autistic daughter. I’ve spent much of my life feeling broken and awkward. Like I don’t fit, or I fit wrong. Like I’m missing one or more essential bits of information that would just make everything clearer to me. I’ve repressed feelings, complied, tried to change, experienced severe depression several times, severe post natal depression several times, self harmed a lot and been suicidal. I’ve felt cracked and fragile, like I was compromising the well-being of my children simply by existing. Through most of that I’ve also parented.